The totality of you

Today I’m missing you.

Yesterday I was overflowing with feelings of Frustration

Frustrated of loosing my partner, my friend, my lover, the father to my son

I went through the motions of trying to find reasoning to why you are no longer here

I won’t try to be philosophical by stating that you:

Are no longer here in the flesh
have passed over to the other side
are only here in spirit now
No I won’t philosophy it all to make it sound beautiful, spiritual, or religious, or what some might say to speak optimistic.

Right now at this very moment you are no longer here, and I cannot kiss you, or pick up the phone and call you, I can’t go grab a cup of coffee with you and laugh at your jokes as I subconsciously admire your long fingers as they wrap around your coffee cup.

Yesterday I found reasons to blame myself, blame others, be angry at the world, angry at you, even though I know that you were not in your right state of mind.

Anger is a beast that can be released with tears.

No matter how hard I tried not to cry the tears still managed to slide out the small corners of my eyes.

released.

But, today, I am missing you,

Missing the totality of you.

and If I must apply some form of philosophy to keep my sanity, I would like to think, hope, and believe that you are living in wholeness now, just being a star.

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